I have hesitated over the last week to write this post. I don't think I can believe this transition is really happening. Last Monday was Natalie's last day here. That made it the last day of my nannying career. To help me process that reality, I thought it might be fun to share some random thoughts about the past almost-5 years!
Why nanny?
Will and I always knew that when we had children, we wanted me to be at home with them. When Anna-Kate came along, our budget wasn't ready for that reality. I told Will then, "wouldn't it be nice if someone we knew needed or wanted to go back to work and I could help them make that transition easier, while they helped us make it possible for me to be at home with Anna-Kate?" God orchestrated a perfectly timed conversation with a coworker to make exactly that happen.
Would I recommend it?
Yes!! and yes!! I would have lots of opinions about the how-to but I would still recommend it.
What others have said....
Wow, you must have the patience of a saint... No. Absolutely not. A love of this small age, Yes! but the patience of a saint, I fear for my children's sake, No.
What's the big deal? You're already home, might as well add a few more. I have no idea how to begin to respond to that one. Just add a few more. Just add a few more. I had to disappoint a couple friends when they found out I would only take on one child at a time. Why not add a few more?! I like to dive in and really care for that child as though they are being folded into family life. I didn't want to become an at-home day care.
If you were really living your values of stay at home wife/mom, then you would make more sacrifices in your budget to not nanny. Ouch! Clearly misunderstood what our family's goals are and what my day-to-day looks like.
Then, of course, I have gotten all kind of random statements like:
How far apart are they?
Twins? which one is the boy? (I got this the most often when I had Mary-Knowles and Anna-Kate)
Boy, you have your hands full
What the reality actually has been...
The reality is hard work. Yes, taking on 4 month old Mary-Knowles when Anna-Kate was only 2 months was hard work. Giving one a bottle while nursing the other. Nursing one while the crawler is trying to eat dog food. Learning how to juggle two infant carriers. Pretty much taking my mom of one status up to mom of twins from 7-4.
At that point, Will and I described it as "stay at home mom and working wife" since I left the home to nanny. Transitioning to watching Natalie in our own home, that status lessened. Maybe more closely to stay-at-home mom and part-time working wife. Most of this speaks to the ability to do chores like laundry and grocery shopping during the day or having to wait til evening. (Will is wonderful; while I both nanny and tutor, he has always chipped in with the basic chores so that I didn't shoulder that by myself.)
The Benefits:
Anna-Kate learned early to share mama. And, I learned early that I couldn't bend to the every demand of my baby. So much a desire of us moms with our first. Divided attention is healthy.
Anna-Kate had a buddy and close friend around, teaching her in ways that I couldn't. She learned lessons that kids have to wait until the second comes along to learn (like, sharing toys, how to resolve scuffles, ...), which of course I had to learn how to referee earlier and monitor children's play without controlling, etc. The same thing with Natalie, my two learned how to operate with another child in the house. They had to learn how to share mama, share toys, play with several, ...
My favorite benefit for the kids has been watching these close, sweet friendships develop!
One benefit for me has been getting close mommy chat. Someone daily to talk to and bounce mommying ideas off of. I learned a lot of lessons from having more than my own. Learning how to not put my kid first simply because they're my kid. Learning how to monitor while letting them explore. Constant reminders of every child is different and they show you those differences from the beginning. Of course, the financial benefit and just the simple benefit of getting to know and love on another little one.
Are there negatives?
Of course! There are negatives with anything you do. Accounting for another family's schedule as you plan your own family's. When they're babies, the constant on your feet feeling increases, making this nanny/mama t.i.r.e.d and, I am sure, whiny more often. As they get older, the noise increases and the required refereeing increases. Ugh, the refereeing. Getting in and out of the car takes longer.
BUT,
for me, the positives have outweighed the negatives.
Am I glad this season of nannying is over? Yes, but I would make the decision to do it again in a heart beat!
Moments that stand out to me:
- my first day with Mary-Knowles. I thought "how will I ever learn to maneuver well with these two tiny babies?!"
- taking the kids to the library story time....many moments rolled into one giant positive!
- the first time I left the house with two infants....I couldn't tell if I was free or crazy!
- the afternoon the firemen let AK and MK get on their fire truck (MK still talks about that day!)
- AK talking about her baby crying when Natalie was introduced to our world
- the morning that I was nursing Benjamin, giving Natalie her breakfast, and reading a book to Anna-Kate
- the first time I took all three of them anywhere, re-learning how to juggle 2 infant carriers, now with a toddler in tow
- the way Benjamin said Natalie's name, "Na-na-na-ee"
- those early moments when Mary-Knowles or Natalie smiled as they were left with me/us. The parents trusting me and the kids enjoying us...blessings that made the nannying arrangement possible!
- 4 days after Natalie's last day, Anna-Kate looked at me and said, "I miss Natalie and all the fun things we do together."
Our Family's Goal:
Will and I have discussed forever that we want our home to be a safe haven. A haven for us away from the outside world. A place to rest and refresh. And, we have always hoped that our home could be that for others as well. A place where others feel welcomed, loved on, and can get rest and refreshment if they need it. Nannying has provided us an amazing opportunity to make good on and practice that goal.
So, now what:
I feel blessed that the nannying journey ends as Anna-Kate will start kindergarten in the fall. I want to have the flexibility to volunteer in her school. I would love to use my math skills to help even the older kids while she is still young. Her going to elementary school next year feels like we are headed away from just young family status to family with kids. I want the flexibility to learn her friends, have them over even, be a real part of that world. So, I will continue to tutor. I will even gladly watch my friend's children on random days if I can. And, most important to me right now, I will continue to pray that God gives us ways to welcome people in our home who need refreshment or just to be loved on, be it through neighbors, school friends, ... whatever God allows.
